I read a Facebook post today which prompted me to write a response. I don’t often respond, and not at great length, but this post pushed a button.

The post was sharing one person’s viewpoint on why courtship doesn’t work, and why dating is much better: Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed

My response:

“The problem, in my opinion (just opinion, mind you) is not with courtship or dating, but in the modern view (both within and outside of Christian circles) of what marriage is for and about. Almost all of our society seems to view marriage’s purpose to be happiness and self-fulfillment. “Finding the right person…to love me for life.”

The bible describes marriage as the picture of Christ and his Church. It is all about self-sacrifice and glorifying God. Yes, you can find someone through courtship, or dating, or arranged marriage, or whatever. However, the relationships don’t succeed or fail based upon how you meet, but on how each person pursues God and His plan for marriage rather than their own happiness and their own plans for marriage.

I’ll get off my soap box now :-)”

Your thoughts?


3 thoughts on “COURTSHIP OR DATING?

  1. I agree with you all the way! I read that article and found it fascinating. I have seen many weird courtships and that article resonated with me, though there were some things that I strongly disagreed with. Mom read it to the family and it triggered an awesome conversation that cleared a lot of things up for me.


  2. Here is the comment from the article that I think best sums up what has gone wrong with my generation’s view of “dating” (I graduated high school in 1983):
    “In the late 80s and early 90s this promiscuous culture reached its peak. People would “go steady” for just a few weeks and then move on to the next relationship. It was this “hookup and breakup” culture that the founders of courtship were reacting to.”

    It is this ‘hookup and breakup’ mentality that I think many of us react to – it is detrimental to marriage, because it is much like a small series of marriages and divorces. Pieces of a person’s heart are left all along the way, so that when they enter into marriage it is not with a whole heart, and there are all the soul-ties to people in the past which enter into the marriage relationship. It causes a lot of problems in a marriage!


  3. Read that article too. Some good points but I totally agree with you that marriage goal is not self fulfillment or happiness(at least not what our culture calls happiness) but for the amazing opportunity to represent Christ to another person and to be molded into a disciple of Christ in the process. A great book I recommend is Sacred Marriage.


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