Here is a great section on Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ website

“Brokenness is perhaps a word that you’re not very familiar with – but know that brokenness is very near to the heart of God. “True brokenness” says Nancy, “is an ongoing constant way of life. Brokenness is the shattering of my self-will, and the absolute surrender of my will to the will of God” (Brokenness, pg. 53). Pride, so often, is the opposite reflection of brokenness.”

Truth. Lots of it.



These verses gave me a lot of comfort today:

In You, O Lord, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness. Bow down Your ear to me, Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me. For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your name’s sake, Lead me and guide me. Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me, For You are my strength. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth. (Psalms 31:1-5 NKJV)

I was reminded that a huge part of brokenness, choosing to obey God’s will rather than my own will, is trusting Him!

May you be encouraged, as I am,



We were studying Romans Chapter 2 the other day, which led back to Matthew 7:1-5…

Matthew 7:1-5 (HCSB)
1 “Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged.
2 For with the judgment you use, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but don’t notice the log in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, there’s a log in your eye?
5 Hypocrite! First take the log out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

It struck me once again how God (Jesus in this case) concentrates so strongly on getting my relationship right first. I have to own up to the fact that if my own relationship with Him is not right, I have no business trying to condescendingly tell my wife, my children, my pastor, my counselor, my Christian friends, my non-Christian friends (in short, anyone) what they are doing wrong and what they need to change.

How can I possibly think that I have the right to demand someone else treat me with more respect, or forgive me better, or stop harping on the wrongs I have committed in the past, or “forgive and forget” when I still have so much sin in my own life?

What’s that, you say? I quit that sin, so I deserve a clean slate and better treatment? No, my friend, no!

Romans 2:3 (HCSB)
3 Do you really think—anyone of you who judges those who do such things yet do the same—that you will escape God’s judgment?

1 John 1:8-10 (HCSB)
8 If we say, “We have no sin,” we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
10 If we say, “We don’t have any sin,” we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

Brokenness begins with me, with my confession to God and to those whom I have offended. Confession not just in the sense of spilling my guts, coming clean, and dumping all my garbage on someone else so I feel relieved of the burden, but the true meaning of confession: agreeing with God about the true nature of what I have done, agreeing that it is sin, and acknowledging how I have broken fellowship with Him and others.

Without true confession, true openness, there can be no true brokenness, and thus no fellowship with God or my wife or anyone else.

1 John 1:6-7 (HCSB)
6 If we say, “We have fellowship with Him,” yet we walk in darkness, we are lying and are not practicing the truth.
7 But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.

Think about it. Pray about it. Do something about it.




That is a question which plagues me. How do I know if I have really, truly changed?

I have had men say to me things like, “I quit looking at porn. I’m not sneaking off to strip clubs any more. How can my wife say I haven’t changed?!?”

We have to understand a couple of things. First, my wife didn’t even know about my hidden sin life, so why would she see any difference just because I have stopped secretly sinning?

Second, and most importantly, the bible speaks specifically to the fact that stopping, or putting off, the sin does not mean there has been a change of character. The bible says we also have to start doing something else, or “put on” a different character.

Ephesians 4:22-32 (HCSB)
22 You took off your former way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires;
23 you are being renewed in the spirit of your minds;
24 you put on the new self, the one created according to God’s ⌊likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.
25 Since you put away lying, Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, because we are members of one another.
26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger,
27 and don’t give the Devil an opportunity.
28 The thief must no longer steal. Instead, he must do honest work with his own hands, so that he has something to share with anyone in need.
29 No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.
30 And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by Him for the day of redemption.
31 All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.
32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

So, instead of just stopping my lying, I need to start telling the truth. Instead of just stopping my sinful cursing and foul language, I need to bless others with my speech and build them up. All the bitterness and anger toward my wife and children has to be replaced with kindness and compassion!

What about the pornography, the adultery? Yes, it has to stop – but I also need to take pleasure and rejoice in the wife of my youth (Proverbs 5:18), showing her that she is my beloved and that my heart has truly changed.

I will know that I have changed when I put on the character of Jesus Christ, and my wife and children actually see that character living in me. pure and simple.




Philippians 4:10-14 (HCSB)
10 I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that once again you renewed your care for me. You were, in fact, concerned about me but lacked the opportunity ⌊to show it⌋.
11 I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
12 I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret ⌊of being content⌋—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.
13 I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.

It has taken me a couple of months to work up to writing this post. I don’t like to admit how far I still have to go…

So, two months ago or so I had to confess to my wife that I had committed adultery against her by stealing a glance at a woman to check her out. You might say, “What’s the big deal?” The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart before I stole the look and told me not to do it. Then He spoke to me again after, driving home that it was adultery – lusting after a woman in my heart, no matter how briefly.

I confessed to my wife, and she forgave me, much to my relief (Satan had been trying to convince me that it would be the last straw in destroying our marriage). However, she also looked me in the eye and said, “You’re discontent.”

That rocked me back a bit. It shed a new light on the verses above; contentment goes beyond food and money and station in life. It also has to do with delighting in the wife of my youth, and lust, and pornography, and gluttony, and every aspect of my life. When I confessed the adultery to my wife, I was telling her that she is insufficient, that she does not measure up – that I am not content with the wife God gave me. That is huge!

Not long after I was in a group of men, and someone brought up one of the sayings I’ve heard too often. Talking about pornography and his wife, he said something along the lines of, “I told my wife, it’s not about her…” I think someone else agreed, and then I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I was compelled to say something like, “You’re wrong – it is all about her. You’re discontent!” and proceeded to share my recent failure and what my wife said.

It was not something anyone wanted to hear, but we all need to hear anyhow. It is imperative to admit (to ourselves and to God) that when we look at pornography, or other women, or fantasize, or masturbate, we are telling our wives very clearly that they are not good enough, that we want something/someone else. Then we stand back in disbelief that our wives take it so personally…”But, honey, it’s not about you – it’s about my own sin…” Right. Do you seriously believe that drivel?

Discontentment is rejection of God’s provision, a lack of gratefulness! I was struck a few days ago by:

Romans 1:18-23 (HCSB)
18 For God’s wrath is revealed from heaven against all godlessness and unrighteousness of people who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth,
19 since what can be known about God is evident among them, because God has shown it to them.
20 For His invisible attributes, that is, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen since the creation of the world, being understood through what He has made. As a result, people are without excuse.
21 For though they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God or show gratitude. Instead, their thinking became nonsense, and their senseless minds were darkened.

Did you catch what I never saw before? God’s wrath comes against not just those godless, unrighteous people who suppress the truth and refuse to glorify Him…it is also because they do not show gratitude! That is the very opposite of being content! I am right there in the same passage, by all rights, when I fail to be content with the food on my plate, the money in my pocket, the wife of my youth – whatever He has given me that I set aside to seek for…more.

I hope you take some time to take inventory of your own life. Are you content? Or, are you like me, and inviting the wrath of God with my lack of gratitude? Wake up, and smell the coffee.

In Christ,




Singles Conference Overview

A Life-Changing Conference for Singles!

During the past several years, Paul and Jenny have had the joy of speaking to thousands of young people across America. They have watched as many of these same young people find “Mr.” or “Miss Perfect”, but are soon sitting before them in tears, disbelief, and hurt. They are searching for answers to issues they are facing in their marriage that they never expected to encounter. As the Speeds began to counsel these young couples, they thought of how much heartache and damage could have been avoided if only these couples had learned certain truths BEFORE they married and not after. Thus, the idea of “WIT for Singles” was born!

“Whatever It Takes!” Singles Conference promises to be a life-changing, world-altering weekend! We will dig deep into our hearts and souls to expose all the hidden lies and strongholds that have kept us from becoming the person God has created us to be. The goal of this conference is to help you identify the areas of your life that need God’s wisdom and understanding applied to them. Not only will it prepare you for marriage, but it will prepare you for Life! You, by the grace of God, will never be the same!

Conference topics include:

  • Love God, Live Life!
  • Openness and brokenness
  • Exposing lies that shape your thinking
  • So, who is your “real” enemy?
  • How to throw your bags overboard!
  • Hanging on when you should be letting go!
  • Moral purity in an immoral world
  • How do you find Mr. or Mrs. Right when everything is wrong?
  • …and much more!

Attendees must be 18 years of age or older.

Click here to download current conference flyer.

Click here for our Welcome Detail Letter for Attendees

Singles Conference Details

July 11th-14th, 2013

Price: $189
For airport shuttle round trip – add $30.00
Extra nights are available for $25 per night(paid to Verity)

Verity Institute
Indianapolis, IN.

Click here to Register

During the past several years, Paul and Jenny Speed have had the joy of speaking to thousands of young people across America. They have helped many of these young people find freedom in their lives and a deeper love for God. The Speeds hearts’ desire is to equip young people by giving them the tools they need to walk in freedom and truth, and to empower them to be world changers! Out of this desire “WIT for Singles” was born!


“I came here blaming so many people for my anger and bitterness and now realize my need for personal responsibility. I have realized that the very people I have blamed are the ones I need to ask forgiveness from.”

“I was blown away by the honesty! I expected to meet all these “perfect” people who were holier than thou and was surprised to see people being so real and transparent.”

“I came here knowing that there were things in my life that I needed to take care of.  I’m ready to go home and confess.  I hate my sin!”

“Praise Jesus for all the ways I have found freedom and growth through this weekend.”

“I have learned this week that I must be 100% open and broken to have victory. WIT has changed my life forever! You guys rock!”

“Thank you for investing in my sons this past weekend. You guys are awesome!!!
All three were so grateful to have a place to go where Christ is glorified and practical help in solving sin issues was the norm. Thank you so much for being real and relatable.”

“I want to thank you for sacrificing your time and energy to do the singles conference! My life truly has changed from living in bondage of fear and unbelief which was the root of a lot of other sin in my life. I am AMAZED over and over at God’s amazing grace and how ‘my chains are gone and I’m set free. My God my God He ransomed me, and like a flood His mercies reigns, unending love, AMAZING grace! He is Forever mine!!!!’”

“I just wanted to say THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! I attended the Singles Conference this past weekend and was blessed VERY much by it. :) It was definitely life-changing!”

“This weekend was way more than I expected. God showed me so much about how to identify and break the chains of bondage and lies. It was a HUGE encouragement to meet other singles my age who share the same beliefs and values regarding Christ and relationships! Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one, but now I know there are many more of like faith and we are continuing to keep in touch and support each other. Thank you, Paul and Jenny, for teaching us so much and bringing us together!