marriage

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Humility

The question came up today, “What is humility? Does it mean saying that things are all my fault, and thus I need to do something to fix the situation?”

I think it is encapsulated in the concept of taking full responsibility under the authority of God.

At the Fall in the Garden of Eden, Adam threw off responsibility and blamed Eve for giving him the fruit to eat. Later in Romans, God makes it clear that he places great responsibility on Adam’s shoulders – “For as by one sin entered the world, and death by sin, and so death passed upon all men for that all have sinned.” Later in that same passage (Romans 5) it clearly states that the first Adam is the one responsible for sin and death entering the world and being passed on to all of us.

The passage also points to the second Adam, Jesus Christ, who placed Himself under God the Father’s authority and perfectly obeyed all that He commanded, then took on the full responsibility for our sin by going through death on the cross and separation from His Father.

To me, the true definition of humility is summed up by Jesus as He prays in the Garden of Gethsemane: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me. However, not My will but Your will be done.”

As a husband and father I am responsible to God for the training and spiritual nourishment of my wife and children. As a Christian, I am under the authority of Christ as my head, and He is under the authority of God the Father as His head. I am to love my wife “as Christ loves the church.” That includes “dying” for her – meaning, giving up the things I might consider my rights (respect, ease, riches, glory, whatever) in order to care for my wife in whatever way God calls me to.

In Him,

George

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BROKEN? I DON’T THINK SO

“…love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or proud. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” 1 Corinthians 13:4,5 ESV

Last Sunday, August 23, 2015, I came face to face with how little I really love God and my wife and family.

As I told some of my close friends, when confronted with how poorly I have been treating my daughter…

“Instead of humbling myself and letting the Holy Spirit rule my tongue, I spoke completely in the flesh and spewed a lot of venom at [my daughter] and [my wife]. All my pent-up selfishness and resentment and blaming others and all kinds of junk came forth. Wagging my finger at [my wife] and telling her it’s her fault I’m shut down emotionally. Telling [my daughter] she’s irresponsible and lazy and making her feel worthless. A comment [my daughter] had for me later was “I feel like you destroyed the part of me that for so long has been your little girl.” [My wife] said for the first time in all our marriage regret entered her mind and heart.

I don’t know if our relationship will recover. The only hope is for me to truly love God, and then [my wife] and my family. I am lazy, and I don’t pursue God. I don’t do the hard things. But I have to change that.”

So, am I a broken man? I guess, in the area of sexual immorality, I have brokenness in that I allow the Holy Spirit to rule over my flesh in that area when temptation comes along.

How about the verses above?

I certainly envy and boast a lot. I can’t let one of my kids be the center of attention – I have to come up with something from my distant past to prove that I am at least as good or as cool. I can’t just praise them.

Arrogant? Definitely! Rude? Certainly! I talk down to my wife, children, co-workers, just about everyone. Not consciously most of the time, though I can be cruel in doing so when I get going.

I insist on my own way often, usually through passive-aggressive means, whether at home or work. I pout, or put on the martyred look.

Irritable? Always! Especially when I get pushed to do something I don’t want to do, or when my direction is suddenly changed by other needs (unless I get to jump in and be a hero, which stokes my ego).

Resentful? I gave my wife and older children an earful of how resentful I am that I have put in so much hard work over the years to give them everything they want, only to receive ungratefulness in return. What a joke! The main thing they really wanted was ME, being engaged in their lives and eing there for them instead of running off to serve everyone else, since it is easier and more gratifying to serve outside the home, in a way more people will see.

My wife says she wants me to BE, not to DO. To BE a man of God, a man in love with God. I can see so clearly how I have failed.

Time to CHANGE!

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UPCOMING WHATEVER IT TAKES EVENTS

Marriage Intensive
Asheville, NC
March 12-15
We are only 2 weeks away from the upcoming 4 Days 2 Oneness Marriage Intensive.  We still have a few spots remaining.  If you, or someone you know, would benefit from this weekend, please don’t delay.  Pass the word along and register today. Click Here or go to WITMinistries.com for more information.

4 Days 2 Freedom
Men’s Intensive
Tampa, FL
March 19-22
This is an added weekend due to January and February’s weekends filling up so fast.   These weekends continue to help men find freedom.  If you know someone who could benefit from this weekend, please pass this along.
Click Here

4 Days 2 Hope
Women’s Intensive
Blue Ridge, GA
(near Atlanta)
April 16-19
Come and meet God in the North Georgia mountains this spring. If you know someone who could needs hope,
please pass this along.
Click Here
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WHY OPENNESS AND BROKENNESS?

So, what is the point of being completely open and honest with your wife, and walking in brokenness before God in your marriage? Why can’t my sin be just between God and me? Won’t my marriage be much more peaceful if I just deal quietly with God over my sin, rather than upsetting my wife with it?

The answers begins with the purpose of marriage:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”  This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32

Thus, the goal of my marriage is to present to the world a picture of Jesus Christ and his relationship to the church. One aspect of that relationship is that he died for the church, setting us free from bondage to sin and taking the punishment for our sin. He also died and rose again to restore our relationship with God, which, for Adam, was daily fellowship, just as Jesus Christ has fellowship with his father:

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1John 1:7

If I wish to have fellowship, I must walk in the light. Not just fellowship with God, but fellowship with my wife.

In the broader context of 1 John:

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.  If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.  If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1John 1:5-10

In short, if I am hiding my sin from my wife, claiming that I am not ____________ (fill in the blank…”looking at pornography” “committing adultery” “cheating on the finances”), then I am walking in darkness. If I am walking in darkness, I cannot have fellowship with my wife. If I am not in fellowship with my wife, we are not a picture of Christ and the church. If we are not a picture of Christ and the church…we have missed the whole point of marriage.

Get it?

Peace,

George